Everyone’s experience of the Covid-19 pandemic has been different. We should explore and embrace those perspectives in search of an enriched future for all, says Helen Teague.
I engaged with an inspiring webinar delivered by Dr Barbara Mariposa1For more information on Dr Barbara Mariposa, visit drbarbaramariposa.com recently and she introduced the metaphor of the Covid-19 pandemic being a shared storm experienced by all of us, but each from different boats. This got me thinking. I’d already found myself in the early days of lockdown starting telephone calls with my close family believing I knew what they were going through, only to realise quickly how little I actually understood of their reality. There’s no doubt that this Covid-19 storm has touched us all, but our experiences of it and its impact on us will have been as different as different can be. What if, once we are able to engage fully again with family, friends, colleagues and clients, we take time to truly connect and join our stories and experiences up, in order to value the differences and understand them individually and collectively for a better future? What if we shared and disclosed the insights from our individual journeys in individual boats that shone a light on the more challenging and unheroic experiences we had while in the thick of the storm? Might this enrichen relationships and unlock unforeseen, better futures?
In the spirit of honest sharing, let me tell you a little about my boat – as I write, I’ve been in it for seven weeks. It’s had several different names. At the beginning it felt so precarious – like a rickety rowing boat easily rocked by the latest wave of news headlines. And because I didn’t like feeling precarious, I named my boat ‘Invincible’ to make myself feel better as I tried to make my boat storm-proof, thinking that I’d try to pretend this wasn’t happening and I wasn’t affected. However, as I started to connect virtually with others either for work or pleasure, I realised the storm was raging for everyone and denial was futile! And I felt myself shifting internally, choosing – when engaged in work meetings – to remain invisible while using virtual technology, to stay more hidden from sight than usual as I allowed myself to surface, feel and tune into my powerful emotions of fear, sadness, loss and helplessness. What use could I possibly be and did it or I matter anyway? I decided to call my boat ‘Self-compassion’ at this point, and took refuge in it for a little while.
In a few weeks I moved forward to connect with coaching clients whom were mindful of the value, now more than ever, that coaches have to offer just by ‘being there’ – wherever the client’s ‘there’ is – with no agenda and no demands that a client should be a certain way or in a certain boat. I went right back to the foundational thinking of Carl Rogers in relation to unconditional positive regard leading to unconditional positive self-regard2Rogers, CR (1980). A Way of Being, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing, New York. I trusted that the co-created virtual coaching space would support clients to be their true selves and to speak their truth, whether palatable or not, as they charted their course through the Covid storm. And I gave myself permission to share elements of my own insights from my boat in service of the client – however vulnerable that made me feel. I experienced how the power of human connection and embodied inclusion transcended the glitches of virtual technology, and how simply trusting myself to be myself was all that was needed. At this point I named my boat ‘Beisser’ (after the psychiatrist Arnold Beisser); I’ve always loved his paradoxical theory of change and I’ve experienced it so strongly during this voyage3Beisser, A. ‘The Paradoxical Theory of Change’ in J Fagan and I Shepherd Gestalt Therapy Now: Theory, Techniques, and Applications, PaloAlto, (1970). (See the sidebar for more information about how Beisser has inspired me).
Here in the UK we are preparing to come ashore; the future is uncertain, and the ground will undoubtedly feel more unsteady than firm. My boat is now called ‘Hopeful’. Hope for the journey of discovery and deepened self-awareness that started in our individual boats because of a storm we didn’t choose, and hope of continuing a shared journey of transformation where we choose to make collective decisions for the benefit of all. Let’s not – in our haste to return to ‘normal’ – choose to gloss over things, stay quiet and take up our old place again in perpetuating an illusion of control. What if society really listened to and learned from the diverse stories and experiences, including the painful ones? What if the global community of coaches seized this opportunity to fully play their part in working with leaders as they grapple with unprecedented challenges, discomfort and unknowns in the wake of this storm?
We are a part of the fabric of society; our voices and how we choose to use them in the roles we play as coaches, leaders and, perhaps most importantly, global citizens matter now more than ever. But before we come ashore, let’s tune into our own stories and what we’ve noticed and learned about ourselves, so that from that space of self-awareness and self-knowing we are best placed to be of service to our clients. What has it really been like in your boat and what are you taking from it as you come ashore? Is there anything that needs to be acknowledged, said or done to unblock yourself for your emergent future?
- 1For more information on Dr Barbara Mariposa, visit drbarbaramariposa.com
- 2Rogers, CR (1980). A Way of Being, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing, New York
- 3Beisser, A. ‘The Paradoxical Theory of Change’ in J Fagan and I Shepherd Gestalt Therapy Now: Theory, Techniques, and Applications, PaloAlto, (1970)
